Introducing the Estate Agents “Frequent Buyers Program”: Where Loyalty Means Getting What You Want and Vendors don’t matter!
In a world where loyalty programs have become the norm—whether it’s airlines handing out miles or coffee shops doling out free lattes—one innovative real estate agent has taken things a step further.
Forget about little issues such as The Estate Agents 1979 act or even Trading standards legislation, after all estate agents are to a large degree unaccountable and pretty much unregulated with no requirement to have any professional license or qualifications, they are only required to pay toward their respective “approved redress scheme” who are, we are told independent?
A note to any estate agent however large, if you permit staff to go down this route it’s nothing short of Brandicide the same as Gerald Ratner committed. You harm your brand and the sector as well as dragging clients into a mess.
When the CEO states on the Code of Conduct “Our commitment to acting honestly and in the best interests of our clients is fundamental to everything we do” but the Branch Manager says “Viewings sort of should stop once the buyer starts investing money”.
We have a problem since when do buyers instruct the agent or the agents makes decisions without the vendors permission?
It remains the Vendor is the instructing party and withholding decisions to stop viewings and failing to disclose the third paragraph from an important email is against the Code of Practice for Estate agents which states
“All material information (*) must be disclosed and there must be no material omissions which may impact on the average consumer’s (*) transactional decision (*) and where information is given to potential buyers or their representatives, it must be accurate and not misleading.
The Frequent Buyers Program explained.
Meet Mike “Get-It-Done” Grunt, the visionary behind the new Frequent Buyers Program operating from a sleepy village in Kent. Unlike other loyalty schemes that merely reward you with points or discounts, Mike’s Frequent Buyers Program offers something truly special: the ability to bend the rules of real estate to your heart’s content.
Tiers That Tear Down Barriers
Much like frequent flyer programs, the Frequent Buyers Program has multiple tiers, each with increasingly unbelievable perks. Let’s take a look:
1. Bronze Level: “The Backseat Driver”
At the Bronze level, after your second property purchase within two years, you gain the right to “gently nudge” the sales process in your favour. The agent is actively listening to you as a “Frequent Buyer”. If you want to test the water without commitment and change the pace and detail for that planning applications that’s cool, Mike will make sure the Vendor knows how important you are.
Want to impose your every whim on the unsuspecting buyer with them doing massive amounts of unpaid work for you, not a problem. Mike has your back, you practically walk on water, Mike hasn’t even asked you for any commitment to protect the best interests of his vendor, this is just the beginning now that you’re now part of the inner circle.
2. Silver Level: “The Puppet Master”
Move up to Silver as early as your going for your third purchase and the perks start getting serious. Imagine having the power to “suggest” continual changes to the agreement that might be questionable if it were being scrutinised, or having the agent withhold matters that could be to your advantage such as a lack of commitment. Don’t worry Mike is with you on this, anything that’s withheld that would otherwise cause the Vendor to withdraw we will say it was a GDPR matter, as long as you’re happy we are happy.
Extend those deadlines, tweak those clauses—Mike’s got your back. Need the seller to suddenly include their collection of rare vinyl records, £200k of chandeliers and drapes etc? Done. Want to change the closing date because you’re going to be busy on a yacht in the Mediterranean – Easy, how about getting the vendor to put their life on hold whilst you faff about without any form of commitment? If you are really nice the agent will let you keep moving the goal posts and changing the terms whilst saying to the Vendor “it’s ok he’s totally committed”.
Remove the competition – this is the best part where Mike actively stops marketing the property (we may leave it on the property portals so it doesn’t look too obvious) but hey ho, no more pesky viewing whilst you take your time.
3. Gold Level: “The Silent Partner”
You’re practically family now. At Gold level Mike may even be able to share confidential matters relating to the vendors personal finances or previous valuations so you can really drive a bargain.
What Do the Sellers Think?
One might wonder how sellers feel about this revolutionary program. “It’s fine,” Mike insists. “They don’t need to know all the details. We just tell them their house is in high demand but in a falling market to get the listing & then blame anything we dream up for unforeseeable delays in selling. Of course the price coming down will eventually be their choice or we can leave them on the books for a year without doing any marketing for the property.
When asked if any of these perks might be, well, illegal or immoral, Mike chuckles and says, “That’s the beauty of real estate – there’s always a loophole if you know where to look, and trust me, I know where to look and my company will back me.”
A Risky Venture?
Legal experts (and pretty much anyone with common sense) have expressed concerns. One lawyer, who asked to remain anonymous, commented, “This program is a ticking time bomb. There’s so much conflict of interest here, it’s practically a war zone.” But Mike remains unfazed. “Risk is just another word for opportunity,” he says, grinning as he drives to his next “off-the-record” client meeting.
Final Thoughts: Is the Frequent Buyers Programme Right for You?
So, if you’re the kind of buyer who thinks laws are more like guidelines and you’ve got a penchant for bending reality to fit your whims, the Frequent Buyers Program might just be the loyalty scheme you’ve been waiting for. After all, why settle for miles or points when you can have the power to rewrite the rules of real estate?
Just remember: what happens in the Frequent Buyers Program, stays in the Frequent Buyers Program. And if anyone asks, Mike was never here.
